Fallen
by Sarah McLachlan
I was going to go to bed early tonight. I think I'm
Oh yeah, this is what's inside of me now...
38 weeks. Yikes. That's a lot of baby.
I'm dialated 3 cm and effaced about 80%, she's head down... and has been for WELL over a month. 1 cm at first pelvic exam 3 weeks ago and 1 more cm each week, consistantly, since then. Stu keeps saying he's not ready (but also really is). He thinks the baby will be here before Monday. That's 3 days. I think this an appropriate spot for another yikes. Yikes.
I feel like I need to clean the house like crazy, but don't want to.
I've washed a lot of baby clothes... and socks... and realized that I washed them all with cheap Sun detergent and am now kicking myself because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew better and should have washed them with a gentle detergent. Mommy's so sorry, baby girl. I'll make Daddy go buy some new detergent just for you ASAP.
We have two car seats. The first one that hubby bought didn't fit in our tiny back seat. We haven't even tried the second one yet. Please, God, let it fit... and properly. She could be here any day.
I don't even have a Moby or Sleep Wrap yet for my "as much as possible" skin to skin Kangaroo Care (google it) with my little peanut as soon as she's born. My mom said she'd get me one, but keeps asking me to find where they are. Maybe this shouldn't bother me because mom's health isn't that great, but it does anyway.
My feet/ankles/legs won't stop being fat and sometimes it makes me wanna cry. I can only wear my tennis shoes to work now and don't feel very pretty/professional doing so. I only have one pair of maternity jeans left that are still comfortable and don't cut into my pelvic area and cause pain when I sit. All those other jeans also make me feel like I'm squishing the baby's head and that makes me sad.
I don't even have the bassinet I'm borrowing from my mom yet... and no crib. Which is okay, cuz we won't need a crib for a couple/few months anyway.
The house is so effing cold and our room gets chilly at night. I don't want the baby to be cold at night, but can't bring myself to let her sleep in our bed for fear of hurting her... or worse. I'll just dress her really warm. I wish I could turn up the heat.
The baby hurts me now, but I still love her more than anything in the world.
I'm nervous, but I can't wait to meet my little angel. I'm so anxious to see what she looks like! ♥
That is all.
...I think.
(P.S. to the hubby: I know, it'll all be okay and some of this rambling is just me being a neurotic pregnant lady and the rest is for laughs. Please don't let this post worry/upset you, lol.)
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