Saturday, October 3, 2009

4 - 1 = 3

Now Playing:
Nightmare Mash
by Billy Lee Riley
AOL Halloween Radio

Well, we have bad news. During our ultrasound Thursday, it was determined that there indeed was no baby in me, just an empty gestational sac. There was a baby at one time, but sometime very early on (we don't know exactly when) something probably just didn't develop correctly, so the pregnancy just stopped progressing and the tiny, tiny embryo reabsorbed back into my body, nature's way of terminating what was probably an unhealthy baby. But the gestational sac kept growing a little more and producing all the pregnancy hormones that make a body act pregnant.

[Correction on above paragraph: It has been explained to me again by my OB nurse and I finally understand it correctly. After fertilization, the egg starts splitting (multiplying) its cells. During this process something did not develop correctly and the clump of cells disintegrated. So there never was actually a baby.]

So, I took the rest of the day off of work and asked for Friday off as well so that we could do a medicinally induced miscarriage at home (of the sac, since there was no baby) and I could have the weekend to relax and recover, since this sort of thing can be physically and emotionally taxing.

I ♥ Lortab, I hate miscarrying... wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, seriously.

Turns out that my body decided to miscarry naturally, just before the medicinal induction was to start.

It started at about 5 AM Friday morning and I was finally able to get to sleep once the pain began to subside at about 7:45 AM, one hour after taking a Lortab. We spoke with the nurse shortly after waking up at 10 and she said that everything we described is what she would expect. I actually feel pretty good physically and relieved that it went quickly and seems to have gone by the book. I am having the expected amount of bleeding and only a tiny bit of pain here and there. I'm taking it easy this weekend as to not stress out my body anymore, it's been through a lot.

I must say also, Stu was really great. He was strong, supportive, attentive, helpful and even scolded me for being a busy body patient while going through the scariest and most painful part of this process, lol. I love you so much, honey, thank you! ♥

Ryn actually slept through the whole thing, which is probably for the better. I'm sure being awake and aware during that probably would've been really hard for her.

I'm pretty okay emotionally. I made most of my peace with the possiblility after the previous ultrasound when we didn't see a baby. Stu and Ryn are having a little harder time right now and that's to be expected.

Lastly, I hope that none of you (male or female) have to go through this and if you already have, my compassion goes to you. I am glad that the worst is over and now our little family can start the healing process on the road to trying again.

Thank you to everyone for you prayers, support and love during all of this. It means the world to us. ♥


Glo said...

My deepest sympathies, I have been following your blog now for a year and even though we have never met part of me feels like I know you and yeah, my eyes filled with tears but it did happen for a reason, the body is a remarkable intelligent machine and it will try to take care of what may not be right. I wish you a quick recovery and in the future I know that God will bless you, and I know your going to make a great mother.
Take care and give Stu a hug for me for being such a great supportive guy, I have a Stu his name is Tom and we are blessed to have them because they are not easy finds.

Mimi said...

Oh sweetie there are no words. I went through this many many years ago. I now have 3 wonderful kids, but you know what I still think of my baby. Time helps. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

mscl-thtr-lvr said...

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I hope for a speedy recovery.

Alisha said...

Oh I'm so sorry ((hugs))

Jessica said...

So, so, so incredibly sorry for your loss. I hope you begin to feel better soon and that you will be able to have babies very soon. Hugs, love & prayers for you and yours. xo

Regina said...

I don't know you personally, but I do enjoy your blog for all your crafting ideas.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers as you all recover from this terrible news.